I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
