Can Purell be used as lube?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
