Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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