u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
