i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
