1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
