so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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