There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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