Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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