Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
