Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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