I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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