Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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