I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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