just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
