She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
