My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
