I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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