I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can text with my tongue
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
