Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
