You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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