girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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