no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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