Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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