apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
