Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
