6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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