By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Floor bacon is actually really good
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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