Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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