My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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