Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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