in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need water and some morals
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
