I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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