My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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