I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize