get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
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you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
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well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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