youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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