it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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