the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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