i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
