You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
