Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
