Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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