She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
