3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
