sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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