did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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