i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
