there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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