Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
