If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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