Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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