Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
