So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
