I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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