god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
jump out the window naked night went bad
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