If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
