People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The uberlube is also flammable
Randomize
