i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
