Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
