Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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