I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
