mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
