I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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