I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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