I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
