Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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