Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i dont even know how to be here
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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