I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
