Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
