i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
