I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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