mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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