real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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