so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
