are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
