also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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