I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
