thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
