There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
