I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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