is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
