so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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