I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
