oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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